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Habeas Blogus

Book reviews, more for my memory than anything else.

Location: Austin, Texas, United States

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Commentary on the Dialog between Elizabeth and Lady Catherine de Bourgh

I'm going to try this on my kid one day:

MARCUS: "There's no way I'm going to allow you or your sister to eat that broccoli!"

ALEX: "Dad, I hate broccoli. Broccoli sucks. I'd never consider eating stupid broccoli."

M: "Don't insult me. I know you've had your eye on the broccoli. What do you take me for? a simpleton?"

A: "I just told you. Don't worry about me eating broccoli. I can't imagine anything I'd rather do than not eat the broccoli!"

M: "Imagine the scandal! My son, sitting here, eating broccoli. What would our neighbors think?!"

A: "Look, I may have had an eye on the broccoli, but I already decided several minutes ago that I wasn't going to eat it. I'll probably never eat broccoli as long as I live!"

M: "And to think how generous I've been, offering you french fries and letting you drink water. To repay me that you would go off and do something scandalous like eat broccoli, when you know as well as I do how horrible that would be!"

A: "Even if I were to consider eating the broccoli, I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of eating it in front of you, and my eating it or not eating it will never have anything to do with anything you say. I will or I won't eat the broccoli, of my own volition. You won't have anything to do with my decision."

M: "Your sister is sitting there staring at it, and you know she's thinking about eating it, and I can't help but blame you. This is all your fault, impudent boy! Just imagine what my parents and siblings would think, having so ungrateful a grandson and nephew, that he would even consider eating that ridiculous vegetable!"

A: "Whether or not I plan to eat broccoli, you're not getting in my way. I have every right in the world to eat this broccoli, and so does my sister. I'm certain that the two of us will be happy eating broccoli whether you like it or not!"

M: "I'm so upset about this, I'm going to go lay down. I'd better not find out later that you two have eaten the broccoli, or I shall be mightily upset and snub you during dessert! I'm not giving you a kiss, I'm not even saying goodnight, I'm just going to walk away. I am most unhappy."

(Exit Marcus)

ALEX (chewing broccoli): "Doesn't broccoli kick ass?"

MEREDITH (Alex's sister): "Man, it wasn't until dad objected to our eating broccoli that I realized I wanted it all along. It does indeed kick ass."


Blogger Jess said...

Of course, the best motivation in this scenario is if your kids find you as odious as Elizabeth finds Lady Catherine, which probably won't be your particular problem.

Wed Apr 05, 08:51:00 AM  

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